CARIBBEAN CRUISE, OR, BUY THE BOOZE PASS IF YOU VACATION WITH YOUR MOTHER; PART 2

Day 3

8:00 am: We’re in Cozumel!!

10:00 am: Mom and I go on a tequila tasting tour. As mom doesn’t drink, I gallantly offer to drink her samples. The tour started with two frozen margaritas. (Side note – technically one for each of us, but I have them both to keep mom from feeling bad about a drink going to waste. I’m a giver, folks. I care)

11:45 am: I’m starting to reconsider the wisdom of drinking 5 of the 6 samples provided to my mom an I. The 6th I gave to a fellow tour-goer, as I have almost fallen off the stool. Twice. (Side note: In my defense, sometimes I do have problems with stools and chairs while completely sober)

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12:00 pm: I consider starting a fight with a patron in the store because he was staring at me. It turned out it was a mannequin, but I still think it was rude.

1:45 pm: The tour provided us tacos for lunch, and one more margarita for each of us. And by that, I mean 2 1/2 for me, because someone else on the tour shared a third with me. Jesus, this tour does not fuck around with its tequila. Thank you Jose Cuervo tequila tour!!

4:00 pm: Back on the ship, but to be honest, I’m not sure how I got there since mom thought I didn’t need to be drunk-sat and went back to the ship after our post-tour shopping. Judging from the pictures and the lack of an international criminal record (that I know of), I didn’t get into too much trouble.

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Hammock and a pina colada? Don’t mind if I do!

 

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I’m still not sure if this was a statue or not, as I went to the bathroom and came back and he was gone. Or I was in another place.

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Gratuitous foot picture

 

 

 

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What’s an ass like you doing in a place like this?

 

Day 4

8:00 am: Hello Belize!

9:15 am: Today mom and I are going to snorkel the Great Barrier Reef via a little island named Rendevous Island.

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10:00 am: The weather’s a little colder and stormier than expected, but at least mom and I had the satisfaction of knowing that our tour guides were freezing their asses off in the 70 degree weather and that we’d be in something like 40 degree weather back home.

10:20 am: We’re in the warm water. Apparently the visibility was way worse than normal, but it was still pretty amazing.

10:45 am: I chance becoming a statistic, abandon mom to the tour guides, and wander away from the group to see another group that’s looking at a sea cucumber (Side note: The tour guide swears that the sea cucumber is not in fact peeing on the girl holding it, but I politely decline to hold it anyway. I don’t really want to have to explain to my husband, whom I’m desperately home sick for at this point, that I may or may not have gotten sea herpes via sea cucumber salty golden showers. I just don’t see that conversation going well)

11:10 am: I help a little girl back to shore and, having balanced the day’s karma, I no longer feel bad about leaving mom.

11:30 am: I find mom lounging on the beach and decide that this is the best idea ever. We commence lounging.

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No idea who this chick is, but I promise she is in fact wearing a swimsuit. Probably.

11:40 am: It turns out that the storm that seemed awfully far off in the distance wasn’t actually that far off. We hide under one of the three palm trees on the island. Luckily, we’re both short and everyone else had the same idea, so we were fairly well blocked from the rain by our human shields.

11:50 am: Our tour guides decide to abandon the island. This is ok, we were ready to shop anyway.

1:00 pm: It’s still raining here in Belize City. I bet this place is unbelievably gorgeous in good weather, because it’s still pretty damn nice in the rain.

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3:00 pm: Like the toddler sitting next to us on the way back to the ship, we are cold, tired, hungry, and on the verge of an epic temper tantrum.

5:30 pm: After a shower and a snack, we go see this cool little presentation on Thomas Kinkaide (mom’s favorite artist). Surprisingly interesting. We’re getting all sorts of learning in today.

6:30 pm: Dinner. Feeling significantly less stabby.

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The waiters had to participate in a totally spontaneous-but-completely-coordinated-song-and-dance number mid meal. This was our waiter. I don’t know where he was hiding the sleeves because 43 seconds earlier when he dropped off our food, he wasn’t wearing them. I just hope hands were washed before and after.

 

To be continued…..

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