Anger Dictionary

Sometimes, you get mad.

Sometimes, it’s just not enough to call someone a douchebag, or jerk, or asshole.

Sometimes, giving someone the finger just isn’t enough.

Unfortunately, there are so many fuckers out there that it’s becoming very hard to differentiate how much of a fucker they actually are. Are they the fucker who cut you off in traffic? Did they sneeze into the salad bar? Are they Donald Trump? There needs to be a better way to convey what kind of fucker you’re talking about.

Never fear, my friends. Because I care about helping you express yourself in a concise and accurate manner, I will compile a list of newer, creative cuss words to add to your every day vocabulary. I care dammit. I care.

Twat waffle:

Imagine an old man’s dangly, droopy ball sack. Now imagine those balls incased in an extra small pair of fishnet stockings, trying to ooze through through the fishnets as if it’s silly putty being forced through a colander. When a person is so horrifying and against everything natural and good in the world, yet you can’t look away, they are a twat waffle. Twat waffles haunt your dreams. Extra points if they have a distinct odor that would benefit from a round of antibiotics.

Thunder cunt: 

Many women have been embarrassed by an unfortunately timed queef *. A thunder cunt would be the anthropomorphic personification of a super-sonic queef, but with chunks. Thunder cunts tend to take you by surprise with their awful, disgusting burst of cunt-iness, and you rarely leave the conversation without feeling the need to shower. With bleach.

Cock juggling thunder cunt: 

When a thunder cunt (see above) is exceptionally manipulative, to the point where he or she is able to convince other assholes to do their evil cunt-bidding. A cock juggling thunder cunt should almost be admired as much as they are hated, as they are near the top of the cunt food chain and have crushed a lot of hopes, dreams, and balls to get there.

Cock gobbler:

Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with giving/receiving a blow job. A cock gobbler though, that’s the priest propositioning your 17 year old brother at your mother’s funeral. Inappropriate, and should probably be in prison, desperately trying not to drop the soap.

So there you have it folks, the first installment of the anger dictionary. I hope this was informative and will help you during your next trip to your local Walmart.

Queef: A burst of air from a vagina. It sounds like a fart, but (hopefully) lacks the smell of its next door neighbor.


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